A futile attempt at focusing

Exhaustion. Utter exhaustion. All of Milpitas left today; I hope they enjoyed themselves down here. My unsettling audition was shortly afterward. I didn't get a callback, but I'm not surprised. I'm not taking this seriously enough. I didn't even memorize my monologue until half an hour before, and I wasn't memorizing the majority of that time as well. But whatever. I could've done it yesterday on the beach, but I talked to Ngo for pretty much the first time this past week. School has just been killing me. No time to talk. I could've tried to memorize it at the whoresome's, but I've learned from past experience you just can't concentrate in that environment. I am already overwhelmed by this quarter, so I guess it was rather presumptuous that I could balance another commitment. I have so much work to do. It's not just this audition either, my work has been so sloppy lately. Everything I do. I need to hone my acting skills but I'm can't break through the glass.

I'm mostly upset about the loss of $300. And it's not exactly the money, it's that it was from my parents and grandparents (I think it was $100 each, and I don't remember where the last $100 came from). And they, my parents especially, rarely EVER give me money. Of course if I ask for cash they give it to me, and they pay for my credit card so I don't usually ever ask for anything. But this time my mom offered. Now I know this is going to sound stupid but I had it in my wallet and then it was no longer in my wallet. I did a stimulation with money in my wallet to see if it could've fallen out, not possible, I was shaking my wallet like crazy and nothing came out. I don't think it was stolen, but I am a trusting fool. I also could've put it somewhere else and forgot where I put it. But I checked all my purses and have no idea where else I would put it. It's not like I have any hiding places in my dorm. I don't know. I'm getting sick too. I just took one my medicine pills that my mom forced me to bring which my suitemate told me was the only thing that gave her any relief after she tried 13094031984 types of medicine. My mom called me earlier too, I feel really guilty about the money. I didn't tell her about it yet, but she was asking me if I needed anything and I just want to shout "No! I'M A HUGE IDIOT WHO DOESN'T DESERVE TO WASTE MORE OF YOUR HARD-EARNED MONEY!"



Okay back the shitload of homework I have. I think I'm already behind, the amount of reading for MMW is just ridiculous and Lit is just the broken glass in the open wound.

Man oh man do I miss my norcal life.